Stark said she wanted to know, "How is it possible to maintain the fiction of being married when they were planning their escape? As a therapist, she had counselled couples on divorce , but Stark was completely unprepared for the disintegration of her marriage.
More than of women aged 45 to 60 from around the world responded to her online survey, and their stories were mind-boggling. Some husbands left "hit-and-run" text messages or Post-it notes stuck to the television, while others dropped the bomb in the most mundane moments -- eating cereal or putting on socks.
They said things like, "I can't take do this anymore," or, "I never loved you,'' or, "Our marriage was never good," or even, "You have knee problems and I love to go hiking. One woman who had been married for 25 years found two notes on her kitchen counter next to a grocery list, one for her and one for their son.
Another woman drove her husband to work: "Everything seemed fine," she said. A third woman said she kissed her husband goodbye at the airport and never saw him again. When she went to pick up him up, their son, who had travelled with him, reported that his father had been sent out west on an "indefinite assignment" with his company.
Now, Stark has documented the stories in a new book, "Runaway Husbands: The Abandoned Wife's Guide to Recovery," and offers resources and support on her website. The hallmark of these men is they seldom show any remorse or concern for the marital wreckage they leave behind, according to Stark, they just pick up and don't look back. They are often pillars of the community: doctors, dentists, professors, pastors, little league coaches, who seemed to be involved with their families and community.
In 95 percent of the cases, Stark found, the men ran to other women, almost always younger, but surprisingly not "trophy wives. Many wives reported their husbands were "disgruntled and unhappy" at work, and figured they couldn't leave the job, but could change partners.
According to Stark's research, these runaways appear attentive and engaged before they check out, never mentioning discontent. Men want to feel and express the love they have for their spouses. Solomon , a psychologist at the Family Institute at Northwestern University. Infidelity is often brought up as the crisis that led to filing but the martial problems are usually much bigger than that, Borello said.
People change. The reality is, if you want to stay married, you have to grow together or you run the risk of growing apart. Most unhappy men who agree to go to couples therapy feel inadequate in their marriage, Solomon said.
The more she criticizes, the more he feels inadequate. For her, just being with me was enough. The connection between us made me feel whole and when I thought about this girl, I could feel my heart swell and a warm glow inside my body. We spent a lot of time together, but unknown to me until the relationship ended, this girl suffers from anxiety, and it was incredibly challenging to have a relationship with someone with this added dynamic. Instead, I spent my time trying to allay her worries, only to lose my confidence in the process.
Why am I telling this story? It had nothing to do with lust or a mid-life crisis. Wives out there — your husbands have emotional needs. In my experience, my wife was so focused on meeting any possible need of her children that she lost sight of having a harmonious family dynamic. So please, wives, do your best to connect with your husbands at an emotional level. We need to feel understood, we need to feel connected.
Leave a comment. Listen Now. This Glorious Mess. Tags: breakups divorce marriage real-life. Top Comments J. You are being absolutely, ridiculous.
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